Not Celebrity Not Fit Club: A Bike Ride

S Weldon Rd to "the Prairie Path" to Comly Rd to W McNair Rd to Heeren Dr to Shelden Dr to W School St to N Swift St to W Winnebago St to S Elida St to E Cunningham Rd to David Dr to Mutton Dr to Westfield Rd to Bridgeland Rd to S Weldon Rd (about 13 miles - hard to tell since Google can't map the Prairie Path. Stupid Google)

Tonight's bike ride was extra special because I had Bo Burnham's song "My Whole Family..." in my head most of the time.

Startling Realization:

Lately, the bike riding hasn't been as fun as I thought maybe it should be. It seemed like I was enjoying it a lot more last summer. It dawned on me what the difference is: last summer, I wasn't spending all my time on roads. Biking on roads is like eating carrots for every meal. It gets old wit a quickness. (Yes, I know I spelled that wrong.) So, today I spent a significant portion of my ride on "the Prairie Path" which is to say "the path left when they took out the railroad tracks."

Good times:

I don't remember if I blogged about it, and chances are good that if I did no one bothered to read it, but last summer I had a recurring nightmare in which I would be riding my bike down the prairie path and I would get my bike stuck in a big hole. The hole was full of water, and no matter how hard I pedaled, no matter if I went through the center of the hole or on the left side or the right side, no matter if I entered the hole at blazing speed, I always got stuck. I was determined not to let that stupid hole beat me, but it did. Repeatedly. (And, for the record, this really happened.)

Well, the hole is still there. And with all the rain we've had this year, it's worse than ever. In fact, there are large stretches of the prairie path that are aquatic animal wildlife refuges at this point. Today, when I got stuck in the hole, I thought my whole front tire was going to disappear in front of me. When I finally stopped and got off the bike, there was only about three inches of my tire still visible. So, I don't feel bad for not pedaling through.

It's Gotta Be The Shoes:

When I bike, I usually wear the cheapest, crappiest sandals money can buy. Today was no exception. I suppose a "real" bike enthusiast would tell us that there are certain kinds of shoes that should be worn, and I'm sure he would have lots of reasons for it. Well, I have lots of reasons for what I wear, too.

When I go out on my bike, especially if I'm going off-road, I wear the crappiest clothes I own--not that there's a huge difference between those and my Sunday best. Whatever I wear is going to get dirty--real, real dirty--possibly dirty beyond my ability to clean. The footwear is no exception. No point ruining good footwear.

Cheap, crappy sandals float. This is really important. If my sandals didn't float, I would have come home a sandal short, if I was lucky enough to not have to come home barefoot.. As it is I almost lost one anyway, because there was so much mud in it.

The Memories:

When I was a kid, we would occasionally go for a walk on the prairie path. Of course, back then the bridges were in better condition. There is a section of the path that has signs on each end warning "bridge out." Well, that didn't stop me. (Ssshhh. It's our secret.) Anyway, it was kind of fun to ride my bike and think, "Wow, this is a lot crappier than it was twenty years ago."

And the Flashback:

After my stint on the prairie path, I was riding my bike on either Olney or McNair Road (it's hard to tell, since they kind of blend together), totally filthy. I was covered in mud from head to toe, thanks to the hole (see above) and must have lost all resemblance of respectabiltiy (as if I ever had any). These old people come bumbling along in their crappy minivan and the old lady in the passenger seat looked at me with this look of vile contempt on her face that could only be made by the spawn of Satan. It was like Christmas at the in-laws in June!

Morons:

The mental midgets that live in the house I grew up in have killed the beautiful maple tree that stood proudly in the front yard. That was sad to see.

Conspiracy Theory:

Have you heard about the black helicopters that the government denies even exist? I saw one today circle over me on my way home--twice. So either I'm being watched or somebody's scoping out the territory. If i have a heart attack, or a stroke, or disappear--blame the government. If anything tragic happens within a five-mile radius of Kelley Road and Westfield Road, just south of Winnebago, Illinois--it's a vast government conspiracy. So there you go.