The purpose of the Not Celebrity Not Fit Club has never been to battle our "Not Celebrity," but a battle against "Not Fit." While some readers may not appreciate the subtleties of this distinction, I think most of you were able to grasp the significance.
I have never personally struggled with "Not Celebrity." Women want to be with me. Men want to be me. (Some men want to be with me, too, but we won't go there.) Our cause needed a spokesperson, and I have always been willing to take whatever role I could to help make America beautiful again. At times, however, I have struggled with the "Not Fit" part.
It was from these roots that I embraced my role in the Not Celebrity Not Fit Club. Our Club has had its desired effect. I am fit now. (If you can run ten miles without training for it, I will declare you fit as well.) Instead of fighting with you in the valley, America, I now sit on the top of the mountain and await your arrival. Join me in the bliss of fitness.
Therefore it is with minimal sadness and great superiority that I must retire from The Not Celebrity Not Fit Club. Join me, oh beautiful America! I miss you so!
Love,
Mike Lyons
The Not Celebrity Fit Club Spokesman Emeritus
I rule.
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